Fabrica Scribendi
More or less coherent ramblings about writing and books.
Monday, February 21, 2011
We have moved!
Some of you may know that I've been in the process of moving pretty much anything writing related under my pseudonym, so dear followers, if you would please migrate with me: Fabrica Scribendi will be closing its doors and migrate over to Paper Storms
Yes, there will be cookies :D
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 in Books
I've read 120 books this year. Most of them were great, some of them only mediocre, some of them pretty horrible and some, quite a few actually, were downright amazing and a great inspiration to my writing.
Also, I need a new bookshelf. Again. ;)
Seems to become kind of a New Year tradition for me, the whole book shelf-buying thing.
Interestingly enough, this year there's A LOT of YA on the list; I guess I'm kind of a Late Bloomer in discovering the awesomeness of this genre. Also, don't really have one favorite for this year, but if I was to pick a few books that definitely stood out among the rest then it'd be Sarah Rees Brennan's THE DEMON'S LEXICON and THE DEMON'S COVENANT, as well as Holly Black's WHITE CAT in YA, Richard Kadrey's SANDMAN SLIM in Urban Fantasy, same for Jim Butcher's CHANGES (can't wait for the next book!) and Manna Francis' Administration series in adult/erotica. But then again there's way more on this list that was just made of plain good ol' awesome :D
So without further blathering on my part, my list of books read in 2010:
1.) Henrik Ibsen – FOUR PLAYS
2.) Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn – THE GULAG
3.) Czeslaw Milosz – THE BOOK OF LUMINOUS THINGS
4.) Voltaire – CANDIDE
5.) Milan Kundera – THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING
6.) Joe Abercrombie – BEST SERVED COLD
7.) Tamara Allen – DOWNTIME
8.) Tamara Allen – WHISTLING IN THE DARK
9.) Holly Black – TITHE
10.) Holly Black – VALIANT
11.) Holly Black – IRONSIDE
12.) Holly Black – WHITE CAT
13.) Chaz Brenchley – THE BRIDGE OF DREAMS
14.) Jim Butcher – CHANGES
15.) Kristin Cashore – GRACELING
16.) Kristin Cashore – FIRE
17.) Cassandra Clare – CITY OF BONES
18.) Cassandra Clare – CITY OF ASHES
19.) Cassandra Clare – CITY OF GLASS
20.) Cassandra Clare – CLOCKWORK ANGEL
21.) Suzanne Collins – HUNGER GAMES
22.) Suzanne Collins – CATCHING FIRE
23.) Suzanne Collins – MOCKINGJAY
24.) Lynn Flewelling – THE WHITE ROAD
25.) Lynn Flewelling – GLIMPSES
26.) Manna Francis – MIND FUCK
27.) Manna Francis – QUID PRO QUO
28.) Manna Francis – GAMES AND PLAYERS
29.) Manna Francis – CONTROL
30.) Manna Francis – QUIS CUSTODIET
31.) Manna Francis – FIRST AGAINST THE WALL
32.) Jeaniene Frost – HALFWAY TO THE GRAVE
33.) Jeaniene Frost – ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE
34.) Jeaniene Frost – AT GRAVE’S END
35.) Jeaniene Frost – DESTINED FOR AN EARLY GRAVE
36.) Jeaniene Frost – FIRST DROP OF CRIMSON
37.) Rebecca Gable – DAS SPIEL DER KOENIGE
38.) Rebecca Gable – DAS ZWEITE KOENIGREICH
39.) Kelly Gay – THE BETTER PART OF DARKNESS
40.) Austen and Graham-Smith – PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES
41.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD PRICE
42.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD TRAIL
43.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD LINES
44.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD PACT
45.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD DEBT
46.) Tanya Huff – SMOKE AND SHADOWS
47.) Tanya Huff – SMOKE AND MIRRORS
48.) Tanya Huff – SMOKE AND ASHES
49.) Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett – HAVEMERCY
50.) Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett – SHADOW MAGIC
51.) Richard Kadrey – SANDMAN SLIM
52.) Richard Kadrey – KILL THE DEAD
53.) Richard Kadrey – BUTCHER BIRD
54.) Stacia Kane – UNHOLY GHOSTS
55.) Stacia Kane – UNHOLY MAGIC
56.) Stacia Kane – CITY OF GHOSTS
57.) A. S. King – THE DUST OF 100 DOGS
58.) Ursula K. Le Guin – THE LEFT HAND OF DARKNESS
59.) Ellen Kushner – SWORDPOINT
60.) Malinda Lo – ASH
61.) Kasey Mackenzie – RET HOT FURY
62.) Richelle Mead – VAMPIRE ACADEMY
63.) Richelle Mead – FROSTBITE
64.) Richelle Mead – SHADOW KISS
65.) Richelle Mead – BLOOD PROMISE
66.) Richelle Mead – SPIRIT BOUND
67.) Perry Moore – HERO
68.) Richard Morgan – BROKEN ANGELS
69.) Jill Myles – GENTLEMEN PREFER SUCCUBI
70.) Jill Myles – SUCCUBI LIKE IT HOT
71.) Carol Lynn Pearson – GOODBYE, I LOVE YOU
72.) Carol Lynn Pearson – NO MORE GOODBYES
73.) Jordan Castillo Price – AMONG THE LIVING
74.) Jordan Castillo Price – CRISS CROSS
75.) Jordan Castillo Price – BODY AND SOUL
76.) Jordan Castillo Price – SECRETS
77.) Cherie Priest – BONESHAKER
78.) Sarah Rees Brennan – THE DEMON’S LEXICON
79.) Sarah Rees Brennan – THE DEMON’S COVENANT
80.) Rick Riordan – PERCY JACKSON AND THE LIGHTENING THIEF
81.) Max Brooks – THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE
82.) Ash Penn – STRAY
83.) Jeff Somers – THE ETERNAL PRISON
84.) Jeff Somers – THE TERMINAL STATE
85.) K. A. Stewart – A DEVIL IN THE DETAILS
86.) Maggie Stiefvater – SHIVER
87.) Maggie Stiefvater – LINGER
88.) Rob Thurman – NIGHTLIFE
89.) Rob Thurman – MOONSHINE
90.) Rob Thurman – MADHOUSE
91.) Rob Thurman – DEATHWISH
92.) Rob Thurman – ROADKILL
93.) Rob Thurman – CHIMERA
94.) Sarah Waters – FINGERSMITH
95.) Scott Westerfeld – LEVIATHAN
96.) Kiersten White – PARANORMALCY
97.) Chris Wooding – RETRIBUTION FALLS
98.) Markus Zusak – THE BOOK THIEF
99.) M. J. Pearson – HELPLESS
100.) Jim Butcher – SIDE JOBS
101.) Gail Carriger – SOULLESS
102.) Gail Carriger – CHANGELESS
103.) Stephan Grundy – RHEINGOLD
104.) Anonymous – NIBELUNGENLIED
105.) Diana L. Paxson - TAKING UP THE RUNES
106.) Joel Derfner - GAY HAIKU
107.) Harry Connolly – CHILD OF FIRE
108.) Kelly Gay – THE DARKEST EDGE OF DAWN
109.) Lisa Desrochers – PERSONAL DEMONS
110.) Richelle Mead – LAST SACRIFICE
111.) Brenna Yovanoff – THE REPLACEMENT
112.) Rachel Caine – GLASS HOUSES
113.) Rachel Caine – DEAD GIRL’S DANCE
114.) Rachel Caine – MIDNIGHT ALLEY
115.) Rachel Caine – FEAST OF FOOLS
116.) Rachel Caine – LORD OF MISRULE
117.) Rachel Caine – CARPE CORPUS
118.) Rachel Caine – FADE OUT
119.) Rachel Caine – KISS OF DEATH
120.) Rachel Caine - GHOST TOWN
And what about you? How many books did you read in 2010? What are your favorite picks?
Also, I need a new bookshelf. Again. ;)
Seems to become kind of a New Year tradition for me, the whole book shelf-buying thing.
Interestingly enough, this year there's A LOT of YA on the list; I guess I'm kind of a Late Bloomer in discovering the awesomeness of this genre. Also, don't really have one favorite for this year, but if I was to pick a few books that definitely stood out among the rest then it'd be Sarah Rees Brennan's THE DEMON'S LEXICON and THE DEMON'S COVENANT, as well as Holly Black's WHITE CAT in YA, Richard Kadrey's SANDMAN SLIM in Urban Fantasy, same for Jim Butcher's CHANGES (can't wait for the next book!) and Manna Francis' Administration series in adult/erotica. But then again there's way more on this list that was just made of plain good ol' awesome :D
So without further blathering on my part, my list of books read in 2010:
1.) Henrik Ibsen – FOUR PLAYS
2.) Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn – THE GULAG
3.) Czeslaw Milosz – THE BOOK OF LUMINOUS THINGS
4.) Voltaire – CANDIDE
5.) Milan Kundera – THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING
6.) Joe Abercrombie – BEST SERVED COLD
7.) Tamara Allen – DOWNTIME
8.) Tamara Allen – WHISTLING IN THE DARK
9.) Holly Black – TITHE
10.) Holly Black – VALIANT
11.) Holly Black – IRONSIDE
12.) Holly Black – WHITE CAT
13.) Chaz Brenchley – THE BRIDGE OF DREAMS
14.) Jim Butcher – CHANGES
15.) Kristin Cashore – GRACELING
16.) Kristin Cashore – FIRE
17.) Cassandra Clare – CITY OF BONES
18.) Cassandra Clare – CITY OF ASHES
19.) Cassandra Clare – CITY OF GLASS
20.) Cassandra Clare – CLOCKWORK ANGEL
21.) Suzanne Collins – HUNGER GAMES
22.) Suzanne Collins – CATCHING FIRE
23.) Suzanne Collins – MOCKINGJAY
24.) Lynn Flewelling – THE WHITE ROAD
25.) Lynn Flewelling – GLIMPSES
26.) Manna Francis – MIND FUCK
27.) Manna Francis – QUID PRO QUO
28.) Manna Francis – GAMES AND PLAYERS
29.) Manna Francis – CONTROL
30.) Manna Francis – QUIS CUSTODIET
31.) Manna Francis – FIRST AGAINST THE WALL
32.) Jeaniene Frost – HALFWAY TO THE GRAVE
33.) Jeaniene Frost – ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE
34.) Jeaniene Frost – AT GRAVE’S END
35.) Jeaniene Frost – DESTINED FOR AN EARLY GRAVE
36.) Jeaniene Frost – FIRST DROP OF CRIMSON
37.) Rebecca Gable – DAS SPIEL DER KOENIGE
38.) Rebecca Gable – DAS ZWEITE KOENIGREICH
39.) Kelly Gay – THE BETTER PART OF DARKNESS
40.) Austen and Graham-Smith – PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES
41.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD PRICE
42.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD TRAIL
43.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD LINES
44.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD PACT
45.) Tanya Huff – BLOOD DEBT
46.) Tanya Huff – SMOKE AND SHADOWS
47.) Tanya Huff – SMOKE AND MIRRORS
48.) Tanya Huff – SMOKE AND ASHES
49.) Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett – HAVEMERCY
50.) Jaida Jones and Danielle Bennett – SHADOW MAGIC
51.) Richard Kadrey – SANDMAN SLIM
52.) Richard Kadrey – KILL THE DEAD
53.) Richard Kadrey – BUTCHER BIRD
54.) Stacia Kane – UNHOLY GHOSTS
55.) Stacia Kane – UNHOLY MAGIC
56.) Stacia Kane – CITY OF GHOSTS
57.) A. S. King – THE DUST OF 100 DOGS
58.) Ursula K. Le Guin – THE LEFT HAND OF DARKNESS
59.) Ellen Kushner – SWORDPOINT
60.) Malinda Lo – ASH
61.) Kasey Mackenzie – RET HOT FURY
62.) Richelle Mead – VAMPIRE ACADEMY
63.) Richelle Mead – FROSTBITE
64.) Richelle Mead – SHADOW KISS
65.) Richelle Mead – BLOOD PROMISE
66.) Richelle Mead – SPIRIT BOUND
67.) Perry Moore – HERO
68.) Richard Morgan – BROKEN ANGELS
69.) Jill Myles – GENTLEMEN PREFER SUCCUBI
70.) Jill Myles – SUCCUBI LIKE IT HOT
71.) Carol Lynn Pearson – GOODBYE, I LOVE YOU
72.) Carol Lynn Pearson – NO MORE GOODBYES
73.) Jordan Castillo Price – AMONG THE LIVING
74.) Jordan Castillo Price – CRISS CROSS
75.) Jordan Castillo Price – BODY AND SOUL
76.) Jordan Castillo Price – SECRETS
77.) Cherie Priest – BONESHAKER
78.) Sarah Rees Brennan – THE DEMON’S LEXICON
79.) Sarah Rees Brennan – THE DEMON’S COVENANT
80.) Rick Riordan – PERCY JACKSON AND THE LIGHTENING THIEF
81.) Max Brooks – THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE
82.) Ash Penn – STRAY
83.) Jeff Somers – THE ETERNAL PRISON
84.) Jeff Somers – THE TERMINAL STATE
85.) K. A. Stewart – A DEVIL IN THE DETAILS
86.) Maggie Stiefvater – SHIVER
87.) Maggie Stiefvater – LINGER
88.) Rob Thurman – NIGHTLIFE
89.) Rob Thurman – MOONSHINE
90.) Rob Thurman – MADHOUSE
91.) Rob Thurman – DEATHWISH
92.) Rob Thurman – ROADKILL
93.) Rob Thurman – CHIMERA
94.) Sarah Waters – FINGERSMITH
95.) Scott Westerfeld – LEVIATHAN
96.) Kiersten White – PARANORMALCY
97.) Chris Wooding – RETRIBUTION FALLS
98.) Markus Zusak – THE BOOK THIEF
99.) M. J. Pearson – HELPLESS
100.) Jim Butcher – SIDE JOBS
101.) Gail Carriger – SOULLESS
102.) Gail Carriger – CHANGELESS
103.) Stephan Grundy – RHEINGOLD
104.) Anonymous – NIBELUNGENLIED
105.) Diana L. Paxson - TAKING UP THE RUNES
106.) Joel Derfner - GAY HAIKU
107.) Harry Connolly – CHILD OF FIRE
108.) Kelly Gay – THE DARKEST EDGE OF DAWN
109.) Lisa Desrochers – PERSONAL DEMONS
110.) Richelle Mead – LAST SACRIFICE
111.) Brenna Yovanoff – THE REPLACEMENT
112.) Rachel Caine – GLASS HOUSES
113.) Rachel Caine – DEAD GIRL’S DANCE
114.) Rachel Caine – MIDNIGHT ALLEY
115.) Rachel Caine – FEAST OF FOOLS
116.) Rachel Caine – LORD OF MISRULE
117.) Rachel Caine – CARPE CORPUS
118.) Rachel Caine – FADE OUT
119.) Rachel Caine – KISS OF DEATH
120.) Rachel Caine - GHOST TOWN
And what about you? How many books did you read in 2010? What are your favorite picks?
Thursday, December 23, 2010
In which I get all kinds of introspective and maybe just a little bit sappy, but intend to do it well ;)
Five years ago today my best childhood friend died in a car accident at age 18. And other than thinking "wow, it can't possibly have been this long ago" and "man, I still miss her" and "I wish we had spent more time together" and "yes, that trip to Rome together in 12th grade was amazing", what today makes me think of is how important it is to live your life, every day, every moment to its fullest, because hey, you never know when it's over, right?
On that note, the question rolls around: what have I done with my life? I'm I holding up to that idea to live my life in a spontaneous, no-regrets way or am I just talking nice to make myself feel better? Honestly, I've been wondering about that lately in a bout of what my mother likes to refer as "the female obsession with chronic, unwarranted self-doubt." And you know what, I think she's got it right about the "unwarranted" part, because looking back - although it's been a quiet year without my usual half-ton of trips etc - I think I accomplished quite a bit, actually.
I finally finished writing the book that's been kinda sorta on hold since I finished the first draft in 2007 and not only did I revamp it entirely and take a huge leap in reconceptualizing the whole thing, I also really got myself back into the swing of writing, employing tons of things that I've learned in the meantime. Sure, it needs a ton of editing, but I feel like things are finally heading into the right direction. Hey, only took me like four years to get there ;)
Also, I started to write a second book, a book that's a bit our there, a book that challenged me to genre-bend and doubtlessly a book that's totally in the beginning stages of things. But it's a good book. Or will be. Maybe. Probably. I won Nanowrimo with it, also for the first time since 2007 and more than that my head is actually once again full of ideas. Which is something that should come natural to every writer, but for me for whatever reason, this one has kind of been the tough part, the part where I felt like a total hack, with only that One Idea prevalent in my mind, but nothing else. But now we have soon-to-be-awesome Urban Fantasy (aka the Nanowrimo book) and a steampunk meets Firefly with vampires idea that yet needs to be started, but will be awesome. So yeah, I guess on top of writing a bit more than one and a half novels this year, I also found my muse again and if anything that's even more important than finishing drafts.
That's it for the writing-related site, but what about me personally? Let's see.
- I immigrated. Or rather, I managed to get through all the chaos of paperwork and emotional trauma, let alone come up with the finances to make sure that I'm now a permanent holder of what I like to refer to as my Magic Ticket (y'know, one of those shiny green cards that say, no, we won't kick you out of our country again ;) And yes, I did manage to get there without a lawyer. Go me ;)
- I realized that home isn't really home anymore. Now that may sound negative, given how I went back home to Germany and actually found myself missing my home here in U.S. and it's not saying that I don't miss my family and friends over there, but in the end, I realized that I'm just not the same person who left Germany back in 2007 anymore and maybe that's a good thing. I may not have stopped trying to find my place yet, in fact, I'm probably still wandering about, fumbling in the dark, but while I'm doing so, I also would never want to have missed all the things that come along with it, least of all the feeling that what I'm doing I'm really doing by and for myself. What can I say, independence is shiny ;)
- I finally got around to changing my name back to my maiden name (again, braving paperwork and lots of frustration, but hey, it's done :))
- I got my GPA up to 4.0 (yeah, I'm a nerd and proud of it, so sue me :p)
- I read 115 books so far (and counting. The year isn't over yet, guys ;))
And most important of all, I think I finally seem to have figured out what's me, or more importantly what's so not me. On top of the writing, the reading and generally being an unrepentant nerd, I finally learned that I'm perfectly okay by myself, that I'm not necessarily the relationship type (or rather, that I finally developed standards). Also, that partners come and go, but it's friends that last, it's friends who will pull me out of my occasional emotional ditches and that's something pretty damn priceless in my opinion.
So yeah, on the bottom line, I think the best thing I learned this year is to be myself and do my own thing and that quirks and occasional weirdness is what makes things all the more awesome.
Thinking about my friend, I actually had this really weird, surreal dream back when I'd first moved to the U.S. in which, for whatever reason we were both talking about things that were going on in our lives and how much had changed over the years. Now I don't exactly remember the details of it all, but in the end it pretty much boiled down to "Whatever you do, do it well."
Not sure if I'm entirely successful at that yet, but all things considered, I think I'm heading into the right direction.
/end personal sappy rant
On that note, the question rolls around: what have I done with my life? I'm I holding up to that idea to live my life in a spontaneous, no-regrets way or am I just talking nice to make myself feel better? Honestly, I've been wondering about that lately in a bout of what my mother likes to refer as "the female obsession with chronic, unwarranted self-doubt." And you know what, I think she's got it right about the "unwarranted" part, because looking back - although it's been a quiet year without my usual half-ton of trips etc - I think I accomplished quite a bit, actually.
I finally finished writing the book that's been kinda sorta on hold since I finished the first draft in 2007 and not only did I revamp it entirely and take a huge leap in reconceptualizing the whole thing, I also really got myself back into the swing of writing, employing tons of things that I've learned in the meantime. Sure, it needs a ton of editing, but I feel like things are finally heading into the right direction. Hey, only took me like four years to get there ;)
Also, I started to write a second book, a book that's a bit our there, a book that challenged me to genre-bend and doubtlessly a book that's totally in the beginning stages of things. But it's a good book. Or will be. Maybe. Probably. I won Nanowrimo with it, also for the first time since 2007 and more than that my head is actually once again full of ideas. Which is something that should come natural to every writer, but for me for whatever reason, this one has kind of been the tough part, the part where I felt like a total hack, with only that One Idea prevalent in my mind, but nothing else. But now we have soon-to-be-awesome Urban Fantasy (aka the Nanowrimo book) and a steampunk meets Firefly with vampires idea that yet needs to be started, but will be awesome. So yeah, I guess on top of writing a bit more than one and a half novels this year, I also found my muse again and if anything that's even more important than finishing drafts.
That's it for the writing-related site, but what about me personally? Let's see.
- I immigrated. Or rather, I managed to get through all the chaos of paperwork and emotional trauma, let alone come up with the finances to make sure that I'm now a permanent holder of what I like to refer to as my Magic Ticket (y'know, one of those shiny green cards that say, no, we won't kick you out of our country again ;) And yes, I did manage to get there without a lawyer. Go me ;)
- I realized that home isn't really home anymore. Now that may sound negative, given how I went back home to Germany and actually found myself missing my home here in U.S. and it's not saying that I don't miss my family and friends over there, but in the end, I realized that I'm just not the same person who left Germany back in 2007 anymore and maybe that's a good thing. I may not have stopped trying to find my place yet, in fact, I'm probably still wandering about, fumbling in the dark, but while I'm doing so, I also would never want to have missed all the things that come along with it, least of all the feeling that what I'm doing I'm really doing by and for myself. What can I say, independence is shiny ;)
- I finally got around to changing my name back to my maiden name (again, braving paperwork and lots of frustration, but hey, it's done :))
- I got my GPA up to 4.0 (yeah, I'm a nerd and proud of it, so sue me :p)
- I read 115 books so far (and counting. The year isn't over yet, guys ;))
And most important of all, I think I finally seem to have figured out what's me, or more importantly what's so not me. On top of the writing, the reading and generally being an unrepentant nerd, I finally learned that I'm perfectly okay by myself, that I'm not necessarily the relationship type (or rather, that I finally developed standards). Also, that partners come and go, but it's friends that last, it's friends who will pull me out of my occasional emotional ditches and that's something pretty damn priceless in my opinion.
So yeah, on the bottom line, I think the best thing I learned this year is to be myself and do my own thing and that quirks and occasional weirdness is what makes things all the more awesome.
Thinking about my friend, I actually had this really weird, surreal dream back when I'd first moved to the U.S. in which, for whatever reason we were both talking about things that were going on in our lives and how much had changed over the years. Now I don't exactly remember the details of it all, but in the end it pretty much boiled down to "Whatever you do, do it well."
Not sure if I'm entirely successful at that yet, but all things considered, I think I'm heading into the right direction.
/end personal sappy rant
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Why it really does get better.
I was about thirteen when I realized I was in deep shit.In small-town Germany, I always used to be the weird kid, the kid that didn't fit in, no matter how hard she tried, the kid that was different. And back then I hadn't even figured out that I was gay (or bi or whatever you want to call it) yet. The rest of the story you probably know and that's really not what this is about. This isn't about all those times you couldn't get out of school fast enough, or hoped you'd survive another ride home on the school bus, or learned the Importance of Running Really Fast, because you'll have to get the hell of here or they'll kill you next time. This also isn't about you the times when you thought that maybe it'd be better if they did, or the times when you thought how it'd be to just go ahead and do it yourself. Because that'd be when they'd win.
No. What this is about is when you're the one who wins. This is about the part when it does get better and why.
Now, my personal experience is that Getting The Fuck Out has really worked for me, in a way. Things definitely got a lot better when I moved from smalltown Germany to Bigtown Frankfurt, where I went to university, and even more importantly lived with a bunch of very diverse room mates in this totally run-down hole-in-a-wall dorm in the Frankfurt Westend. Yes, it definitely helped that some of them were gay or simply didn't give a shit who you hang out with or brought back to your room (whether or not you REALLY need to relay ALL the details of your sexual conquests to the rest of your room mates in the kitchen later is up for debate - yes, Gerald, I'm talking to YOU - but whatever). The bottom line: things will definitely go a whole lot better for you in big cities, yes.
But what if you can't get our? Or, what if you got yourself smack into the middle of Jesusland America, full of the religious crazies and you're wondering how the hell THAT happened and if you really haven't learned anything in all those years of wanting to get out of all of this.
Well here's a simple truth for you - you'll find intolerant people anywhere, but you'll also find lots of awesome people where you'd least expect them to be.
In my case, I probably have more queer friends (and more of the straight-but-not-narrow sort) here in Utah of all states than I ever had back in Germany. Sure, sometimes just about everything about living here pisses me off and I still want to get back to a bigger city, but all in all, I've also found a lot of amazing people, people who understand me, people who want to be different - queer or not - around here and it's great.
Sure, there still are those days when I wonder what the fuck I'm doing here and if all of this isn't a giant waste of time. There are those days when I feel like nobody is possibly ever going to want to read those LGBT-themed books that I write. That it's all insignificant drivel. Or when I worry about what will happen once I've actually finished school and become a teacher here, a teacher who's going to be openly bi, a teacher who hopes she'll actually be able to help some of those students who are stuck in that time where it seems like things just aren't going to get any better, ever.
Some days, living here does indeed feel like running against a wall.
But then again there are those days when life just rocks or my mother tells me "Look how far you have come. You'd never have gotten this far, if you hadn't decided to go your own way. You're doing great and I'm proud of you." Those moments somehow make it all seem worth it.
So really, when it comes down to it, this is about three things.
One is don't let them win. Get out if you have to. Take that leap of faith. It'll be worth it.
Two is that you're not the only one out there. Even if it seems that way sometimes, you'll also find awesome people where you'd least expect them.
And three is what's probably most important: It's going to be okay. It'll get better and really being different is what ultimately makes you awesome.

P.S.: On that note, I just want to plug two absolutely wonderful books that have been very inspiring to me, especially over the last year. Carol Lynn Pearson's account of her life and lifelong love and friendship with her gay husband GOODBYE, I LOVE YOU and NO MORE GOODBYES. Both of those books are very Utah-specific in a way, but I think they go beyond that as Pearson gives a very personal account of the struggle people of the LGBT community still face and ultimately what tolerance really means. Go check them out :)
Also, if you haven't checked out Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project channel on youtube, go and do that RIGHT NOW.
Oh and yes, living proof for my flag-waver-dom: 17-year-old me wrapped in a rainbow flag :)
Sunday, August 22, 2010
So I finished this draft. Now what?
Dusting off the cobwebs (and are those BATS coming out of the black hole that is my blog???), I just wanted to announce that, no, this novel has not managed to kill me and yes, I in fact did finish this draft of it - yay me :D
I ended up shooting past my original word count goal of 80,000 words and ended up with a hunk of a 91,125 word drat that should be the third (or was it fourth?) draft of a novel I've been working on for four years now, but really this thing is more like a first draft than anything.
So now what do I do?
Three things, really:
1.) Print the draft. Yes, the full draft. No matter how loudly the printer complains or how much ink/paper it takes (wait, is that smoke coming out of my printer???)
2.) Import the complete novel into Scrivener, if you have it. Honestly, this program alone has totally been worth buying a macbook (yes, I'm a recent mac-convert and I love it :D). Outlining and getting a good overview of your project is a breeze with the index cards and outlining tools of this program.
3.) Holly Lisle's One Pass Revision Method. My wonderfully awesome crit partner Parametric first recommended this to me and I'm finally ready to really try this (fortunately I already jotted down tons of notes regarding part 1 of this revision method and we'll see how the rest goes, I'll keep you posted).
So here's my To-Do-List for the next couple months:
1.) Revise EMPIRE OF LIGHT (It'd be lovely to have this completely revised by the end of October, but we'll see how much school and work life kick my otherwise reclusive ass ;))
2.) Critique lots of queries over in Absolute Write's Query Letter Hell (QLH), in hopes of getting a good grip on what works and what doesn't work in queries and come up with a workable query pitch for EMPIRE OF LIGHT that doesn't make me cringe.
3.) Outline and start THE GHOSTS I CALLED (TGIC), my YA urban fantasy featuring zombie dragonslayers, shirtless ghosts and a gender-changing main character.
3.) NaNoWriMo. Tentatively planning on either finishing TGIC or kicking off LEVITICUS (which I also need to outline), my "steampunk meets Firefly with vampires" idea.
So yes, it'll be a busy couple of months coming up. Hopefully I'll survive and will not fall prone to caffeine-induced cardiac arrest or just plain kill myself by being either too busy or (which is more likely) do something completely stupid. Here's hoping ;)
I ended up shooting past my original word count goal of 80,000 words and ended up with a hunk of a 91,125 word drat that should be the third (or was it fourth?) draft of a novel I've been working on for four years now, but really this thing is more like a first draft than anything.
So now what do I do?
Three things, really:
| Yes, I have a slight post-it-note addiction problem... |
2.) Import the complete novel into Scrivener, if you have it. Honestly, this program alone has totally been worth buying a macbook (yes, I'm a recent mac-convert and I love it :D). Outlining and getting a good overview of your project is a breeze with the index cards and outlining tools of this program.
3.) Holly Lisle's One Pass Revision Method. My wonderfully awesome crit partner Parametric first recommended this to me and I'm finally ready to really try this (fortunately I already jotted down tons of notes regarding part 1 of this revision method and we'll see how the rest goes, I'll keep you posted).
So here's my To-Do-List for the next couple months:
1.) Revise EMPIRE OF LIGHT (It'd be lovely to have this completely revised by the end of October, but we'll see how much school and work life kick my otherwise reclusive ass ;))
2.) Critique lots of queries over in Absolute Write's Query Letter Hell (QLH), in hopes of getting a good grip on what works and what doesn't work in queries and come up with a workable query pitch for EMPIRE OF LIGHT that doesn't make me cringe.
3.) Outline and start THE GHOSTS I CALLED (TGIC), my YA urban fantasy featuring zombie dragonslayers, shirtless ghosts and a gender-changing main character.
3.) NaNoWriMo. Tentatively planning on either finishing TGIC or kicking off LEVITICUS (which I also need to outline), my "steampunk meets Firefly with vampires" idea.
So yes, it'll be a busy couple of months coming up. Hopefully I'll survive and will not fall prone to caffeine-induced cardiac arrest or just plain kill myself by being either too busy or (which is more likely) do something completely stupid. Here's hoping ;)
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Die, procrastination, die!
Seriously, I always feel bad when I sleep too long (meaning more than five hours on a work day/night) Oh well, this over night schedule isn't going to kill me (yet). Anyway, today is one of those days that I'd rather have spent writing. Or writing more at least. Guilt, guilt, well damn.
Anyway, then I stumbled over this video of fellow writer and YA Rebel Jen Haley (check out her blog, it's awesome) and it kind of made my day, because...you know that feeling, right? That nagging feeling? ;)
Anyway, then I stumbled over this video of fellow writer and YA Rebel Jen Haley (check out her blog, it's awesome) and it kind of made my day, because...you know that feeling, right? That nagging feeling? ;)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Teaser Tuesday does some head-hopping
Hi everyone!
This teaser is from a little bit of a purposefully weird chapter of EMPIRE OF LIGHT. Ares has been taken by the Empire after bringing Damian back from the dead. And now weird shit is happening. Or should we say, more weird shit is happening?
Enjoy :)
Something was bleeping right by my left ear. It was one of those ridiculously high-pitched, horribly annoying sounds. Like an alarm clock from hell. I reached out to swat at it, do anything to make it stop, but I could hardly move. With excruciating slowness, I managed to turn my head on its side and lift my eyelids. At first they were stuck together with some crusty, dried goo, but at the second try I managed to open them. Bright white light stabbed my retinas, making me blink like crazy for a moment.
Then I was able to take in my surroundings. There was a bump in my arm where a long needle was buried deep in my vein, which would be why trying to move my arm hurt like hell. That and the gazillion of wires and cables coming out of me and running to way more machines than should’ve fit into the tiny hospital room. Though this wasn’t a hospital. More like…a lab.
Fuck!
Adrenaline spiked.
The bleeping got louder, frantic like my breathing as I tried to jerk free, ignoring the pain that flared up in my arm. I had to get out of here. Had to—
“He’s waking up,” a voice somewhere to my right said. A man with a beard, clad all in white leaned over me. I knew that face. The white hair, those purple eyes.
Raeyn…
No. This one was older. The bleeping amplified to a violent screech along with my panicked heartrate. Oh shit. Oh shit!
“Easy, easy,” Sirius Nymeron, none other but the Emperor himself said in a voice that sounded much too soothing to go along with those hard, lilac eyes. “You need to rest. You aren’t ready yet. Sleep.”
“Wh—“ I tried to get the words out, but my tongue was thick and numb in my mouth, so everything came out mangled. “What—“
A calloused hand brushed against mine, adjusting something connected to my index finger. “A little more of the sedative should put him under long enough,” someone to Nymeron’s left said and everything turned blurry.
“No…I—“
“Sleep, Ares,” Nymeron said again and suddenly sleep seemed like a pretty good idea. Only that—Wait a minute, Ares?
What the fuck—
“Damian! Damian, wake up!” Someone was shaking me.
This teaser is from a little bit of a purposefully weird chapter of EMPIRE OF LIGHT. Ares has been taken by the Empire after bringing Damian back from the dead. And now weird shit is happening. Or should we say, more weird shit is happening?
Enjoy :)
Something was bleeping right by my left ear. It was one of those ridiculously high-pitched, horribly annoying sounds. Like an alarm clock from hell. I reached out to swat at it, do anything to make it stop, but I could hardly move. With excruciating slowness, I managed to turn my head on its side and lift my eyelids. At first they were stuck together with some crusty, dried goo, but at the second try I managed to open them. Bright white light stabbed my retinas, making me blink like crazy for a moment.
Then I was able to take in my surroundings. There was a bump in my arm where a long needle was buried deep in my vein, which would be why trying to move my arm hurt like hell. That and the gazillion of wires and cables coming out of me and running to way more machines than should’ve fit into the tiny hospital room. Though this wasn’t a hospital. More like…a lab.
Fuck!
Adrenaline spiked.
The bleeping got louder, frantic like my breathing as I tried to jerk free, ignoring the pain that flared up in my arm. I had to get out of here. Had to—
“He’s waking up,” a voice somewhere to my right said. A man with a beard, clad all in white leaned over me. I knew that face. The white hair, those purple eyes.
Raeyn…
No. This one was older. The bleeping amplified to a violent screech along with my panicked heartrate. Oh shit. Oh shit!
“Easy, easy,” Sirius Nymeron, none other but the Emperor himself said in a voice that sounded much too soothing to go along with those hard, lilac eyes. “You need to rest. You aren’t ready yet. Sleep.”
“Wh—“ I tried to get the words out, but my tongue was thick and numb in my mouth, so everything came out mangled. “What—“
A calloused hand brushed against mine, adjusting something connected to my index finger. “A little more of the sedative should put him under long enough,” someone to Nymeron’s left said and everything turned blurry.
“No…I—“
“Sleep, Ares,” Nymeron said again and suddenly sleep seemed like a pretty good idea. Only that—Wait a minute, Ares?
What the fuck—
“Damian! Damian, wake up!” Someone was shaking me.
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